a lost cause

That's really strange because I experience lots of these feelings, but I still love her. I never felt she was intelligent or something. She was not in books. She was clever however. She could be a queen, but surely she wasn't. She sometimes spoke vulgar; I was afraid of that.  She was sweet to me. The distance between our worlds was increadibly endless. I had reached almost the end and I was fighting for love to survive; she was one of usual women who had a love failure and was at the begining of the path. The concept of love in genders is percieved totally different. I think I scared her with my knowledge of books. She couldn't get through many things, one of many was why I was so deeply in love with her. My self-confidence was in tact. I didn't have any bad feeling about my self. I stayed in love with everything. I didn't hate her for what she did. I just opened my eyes wider and understood the concept of God and the world much better. I was a great warrior who was looking for a cause to fight. That cause unfortunately was a usual woman without a deep worldview. That was an unfortune. 

consequences of addictive love

Guilt, shame, emotional pain, loss of identity, self-abandonment, denial, remorse, resentment, anger, depression, divorce, broken relationships, obsession and compulsion, loss of values, loss of job/career; financial loss, helplessness, hopelessness, self blame, loss of respect and trust, self hatred, spiritual bankruptcy, loneliness, stress, physical illness, loss of intimacy, bankruptcy, suicide, homicide. Addictive love can lead to people getting into trouble with the law. Some behaviors carried out by addictive lovers that violate the law may include harassment, damage to property, sexual or physical abuse, use of prostitutes or other drugs, stealing, or other illegal activities. People in love addiction often become addicted to something beside their relationship. The consequences of addictive loving are most revealed when a relationship ends in a breakup. Since the relationship has been the person's one essential contact point with life, or their only identity was the relationship-- its removal leaves him or her in disoriented agony-- as withdrawal occurs and reality is seeping in. When an addictive lover feels abandoned or rejected by their partner— emotional pain and obsessive thoughts may escalate in extreme—leaving him desperately seeking relief by getting their drug (lover) back (it doesn‘t matter how bad the relationship was). Research has come to a primary conclusion on obsessive homicide… that some of these individuals are motivated by a mood of deep despair because of a partner ending a relationship- creating in their mind rage, and the desire to seek revenge or destroy another person, even at the cost of self-destruction.